Back to those days....

Ah...what a fantastic journey it was. A journey made memorable by the sheer memories it evoked and by the place we went to! Karthik and I took a long pending trip back to our college, BITS, Pilani and came back, refreshed, and younger by a few years!! We relived all the places we'd been togethter, that held memories for him, his hostel rooms, right from the first to the last year, the radi wallas, ratan ji, munna and so on, on whose endless sam chats and shikanji he and his wingies lived, who actually remebered his room number after all the 10 years that has passed in between, to all the places that held a lot of memory for me...the mime club, I had been the coordinator of which in my psenti year, met all the kids, took them for a sky treat and saw their run through (the mime and dance club performances are held during the cultural night, Mithali for Apogee, the academic fest), Institute Canteen, visited c'not place, had Chimpu's M & B and sharma's Gulab Jamun ...ah.... it was a true dream come true for us. We walked for the entire two days that we were there...woke up in the morning, took in the crisp fresh air and then set out with a bag and caps to explore our much beloved huuuugggeee campus. Its become even more sprawling now, with the latest lecture theatre complex and the beautifully done central library. The very first night, we reached Pilani at 11.30 P.M and all the journey blues, the ride in the haryana roadways bus with the conductor smoking his beedi into my face and the hour long wait in Bhiwani to catch the connecting bus to Pilani, just slipped away from us. We were the kids we were 10 years ago...washed our face and walked hand in hand through the rain to the night canteen (ANC). Just sat and observed the new kids on the block...and all illusions and delusions fell away. Hah..do I still crave to be the person I was in college, free, easy going, no responsibilities and having oodles of fun? Not anymore. In more ways than one, the trip back to BITS helped me clear a few cobwebs and remove a few ghosts. I cherished the saraswathi temple, a particular tree beside a particular hostel, certain spots in the insti, the canteen, some rooms and so on..held them sacred and always wistully thought of them and had a longing to always rewind the clock, but this visit helped me to see that I am extremely happy to be the person I am now, so very different from the girl who roamed this beautiful campus 10 years ago, yet, it is that very same person I was who enabled me to take in all the challenges these years have thrown in and grow from it, earning the self respect and the love and respect of my husband. Every dear place I visited, I talked to the girl I was, saw her in my mind, that ever smiling face, saw my friends and dear ones and wow.........it was an experiance like no other. I laid so many ghosts to rest this one trip that now I feel I can just move on with like without looking back, it is like wiping the slate clean so that I can create many many more treasurable memories together with my family.
I have deviated from the travelogue, but hell, I wouldn't want to bore you with it all...many are extremely personal, like the visit to the mime club practice, sky treat, talks with the raddi wallas, the pahadi trip, visit to Guru and Gsu's house and finally the extremely tiring Jaipur trip........
By the end of it, we were thirsting for our kids and quenched ourselves back in Chennai!!!!!

Celebrating the ones!

I just happened to change my lillipie tickers (a much pending event) to notice that Kishu is exactly 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day old!!! So, here's an ode to my dear daughter...

One year of laughter
One year of joy
One year of pure love,
which made our spirits buoy!

One year, and still a baby
One year we've seen you grow
One year not too less
to say amma, appa and bowbow!

One year I've struggled with work
One year you've never let me go
One year was worth it all
Just to cuddle you through high and low.

One year Kachi and Kautu learnt to give
One year I saw them molly coodle you
One year they were such sweet big brothers
that I longed to be in your shoe!

For that one year, we thank you
for, you showed us what 'a bundle of joy' is
Showered us with your kisses, enriched us with your smiles
Made us feel blessed, you are god's special kiss!


...Amma...

Krithika

kishku moshuki.... (how I call her)
kishu... (Karthik's name for her)
papaneni shoni shoni (this is a name that Kachi has put for her)
beba (this is kautu's pet name for her)
has started walking!! One year and a month old, my darling has started walking full time!! Forgotten all about crawling and is now racing with her brothers!! If you ask me how it feels to have three kids under three and all walking and about.....there are just no words to describe it. So beautiful and so filling, that there is hardly a time except when all three are sleeping that you can walk about the house without tripping on one! Kishu is almost always wandering off on her own now a days, exploring to her hearts content the places she couldn't reach when she was crawling. Her interest for squatting by the kitchen and playing with the cooker and other vessels is over, she is now determined not to be in one place for longer than five minutes. And she is stubborn, fights with her brothers to get her way out and surprisingly, almost always wins!!!! She manages to grab things out of their hands and pull them out of my lap and place herself securely on me! Extremely jealous, I am just lucky that her brothers are secure enough to let her be pampered and not feel a thing besides that she is the baby of the house! Oh yes, their love does become violent and does get an occasional beating or pushing, but its been to the frequency of maybe around once a day, so I guess it should be fine for now. Well, all of them are in their bath right now, and thats how I am getting to share all this with you, before the brigade is back, let me bid adeu...good day to you all.

Not so brainy anymore?

What is with the moms who have quit their jobs to be with their kids? Do they really feel the need to proclaim to the world that they were intelligent before, and have lost all their brains by taking the very intelligent decision of being at home with the kids? For reference, do see the comment by an anon for the previous post. I know that it is considered beneath anybody to actually reply to an anon comment, but this one set me thinking a lot. All the complexes of that writer has been displayed in that such short a comment. The fact that she now feels inferior to women who are actually continuing in the embedded software industry and the fact that she has made a big deal of her choice of staying at home, a decision that has to be applauded, but in no way should be considered a sacrifice. I would certainly not make any decisions that can be called a sacrifice just so that I can hang it one day over my children's head ...quite literally" I have done so much for you...given up my challenging career " and so on. It is absolutely my decision taken because I loved being at home with my darlings any day that being in that stuffy office with poor ventillation and a computer to interact with. As to considering myself intelligent, I do. If the fact that I have been able to aquire a degree from a prestigious institute, have been able to bag projects that have been challenging in the extreme, and those that were vied by collegues much senior and have managed an amazing performance review constantly all the years of my service, does not indicate that ofcourse I am brainy, dammit, then what else?!!! Oh yes, this is just the academic quotient, I might be lacking in a lot of other spheres, but that is not a topic I would like to bring out in this forum! But to get back, dear anon, you don't have to feel that taking this step of being at home is a big thing, as it is something you have obviously taken with a of thought and so, it is something that you wanted to do with all your heart, and so, it is nothing to be made a big fuss about!! And yes, being at home in no way makes you less intelligent, rather it expands all your intelligences to a large extent. I hope you are happy in the choices you made, and I hope there are others out there who feel the same with me!

At home, in bangalore, out of work and enjoying it

just about sums up my existence right now! Oh... and minus a computer and plus the net connection, so that the occasional visits of my brother with his laptop enables me to give a mild update on whats been happening here!!! Yes, I finally resigned, resigned from office and to the fact that three kids prone to wheezing and asthma equals the mom being at home for them!! Cost cutting includes just having a maid who blitzkriegs in the morning for mopping up the house, and all the rest of the household jobs resting squarely on my rather wide shoulders! Being at home is just so much work that I am astounded how I ever managed to sneak in office work. I mean, now when I am not washing the vessels, I am cooking, else I a putting the still breastfeeding krithika to sleep or I am cleaning the ever messy house, so, how in the world did I have enough space in my head to carry on building code and designing all those complex designs?? Is it the case of 'man adapting, rather expanding himself to situations' which means that I have essentially shrunk mentally? I am not sure, may be by the time my brother drops in here again, I might have an answer!

Going home again...

As in keeping with my history of ever changing decisions, we are moving back to bangalore again...after a stormy two months in Chennai. It feels great to imagine being back in one's own home, the nest you created for yourself, where your authority will not be questioned and where you need listen to no one but yourself. Along with it is also the image of toil, of waking up early and getting all the meals on the table before 9, of giving innumerable baths one after another to the three kids, of countless visits to the bathroom taking one or both of the twins for their natures calls, of trying to catch a wink of sleep in the afternoon to be rudely woken up by Krithika who rarely sleeps for more than an hour, of cleaning the house again and again so that Karthik can come back to a pleasing house, of endless sessions of feeding, giving bath and putting to sleep and last but not the least, fights that I will now have to again sort out on my own. Is it just two months that I have been here? Feels like ages since I was sole incharge of the kids. Then again, there are the images of cozy afternoons shared by Karthik, krithika and me, when the vanarams are asleep, of the movies we used to catch up before they woke up, of the playing and mucking around we did once karthik came back from office, of the almost every day trips we used to make so that the kids get to stretch their legs outside and of the sheer joy in being in your house with just you and your immediate family. Nothing rivals that, I know!
Going home again....less in words, more in memories and happiness.

Why do I never seem to get settled?

Why is it that almost everyone I know have a stable job, are settled in a place for good and build a life for themselves in the place they work? I would have loved to do the very same, except for a series of serious, emotionally draining and bewildering experiences, I would not have changed a thread on the life I had. A beautiful house, in a very green location and a rewarding job. It is strange that every time I have felt that I am settled, all is exactly what I have wanted it to be, things have gone horribly wrong.
Kaustubh and Kashyap started going to school from May, and started falling sick every other week from May. With kachi, things were still fine, as he recovered quickly, but kautu, the intensity of his allergic attacks began to grow in such proportion that very soon, a running nose would have us biting our nails in tension, for it was now almost a certainity that a running nose entailed a wheesing attack and a viral and a secondary bacterial infection. Things finally got out of hand the last month and he was admitted with Pneumonia. Krithika was admitted in the next bed with a bronchal infection she picked up from Kautu and Kachi was sleeping on the attender's cot. At one point, kautu even stopped responding to our calls and thats when they shifted him to the ICU. The only comment by the doctors was that, the entire peadiatric ward was full of patients with bronchal infection, and the cause for this is just the pathetic Bangalore climate. And thats when I decided I will not show kautu this city till he is at least 5 years old. The day he recovers enough to travel I am going to Chennai to stay with my parents till karthik can find a job there.
One week later, we reached Chennai and he's been fine since. Its been a month here and I have found a house close by to my parents place. We are shifting next month. Karthik has not searched another job here, but is planning to work a few days from Chennai and a few from Bangalore. I don't know if this is going to work, but please pray that it does. For, if the kid is healthy, theres nothing we cannot achieve, if he is not, we are stunted physically, emotionally and professionally. Theres just so much to do, a big relocation, setting up the new house and what not, jobs compromised in the process, and god alone knows if it is all worth it.