Walking the tight rope

I knew that going back to full time work would be tough. But I did not anticipate the first three months of light work load. I was put into a project which had a dependency on a deliverable from another site. And this, in plain english, meant that I was let off till that site delivered their work. So I just spent the last three months going over documents and giving presentations, which meant going to office at 11AM and being back by 4PM and doing the reading and most of the presentation preparation from home. Things seem rosy, right? But here is where the egoist in me took over. The work schedule was fine from the home front. But I wanted to be more productive in office. I started getting restless, though, as a mother, I should have been happy to let it go this way. The initial high over being able to work full time and still getting ample time with the kids wore away as I started feeling underutilized and could take no pride in the output I was producing. So, being the unreasonable me, I requested my manager for more work and there, bang! I got landed with a tough nut to crack. The mother of all problems was handed over. And now, I spend the night and day pouring over an issue that is threatening to loosen all the screws in my head.
I tried telling myself that I should spend more time in office to complete this, and that somehow, the more time I spend there meant that more work was being completed. This was true some two days last week when I had a whole lot of meetings etc. to complete the task handover from someone else. I would drive back at 9 in the night and come to a silent home. The kids would have slept and Karthik would have prepared my dinner for me. It worked for those two days. After that, I could really not miss being with the kids in the evening, and so, on Monday, I returned home by 5. Surprise after surprise, I found the missing urge in me and worked on the issue till late 12 in the night! And tonight, at 11.37PM, I have finally fitted in the last missing piece in the jigsaw and winded up the task. Phew! So, with the kids put to sleep, Karthik gone right off to deep sleep after the excitement of the Indian win, having finally solved the issue is like someone whispering to me that all is right with your world!! You are pregnant, a mother of two 1.3 year olds and currently enjoying the work you are doing without it being a strain on you. What more can a person ask for at this juncture? More strength and will power to keep it going as it is? More wisdom to manage everything and not let any disappointment get undue importance? More energy to keep running through the day, yet feel that there is nothing much to it all? Ye god...let me do all this and more...and most importantly, let my kids be this happy and more as we go along!!

I know you guys are all with me..so, here's to a happier journey ahead!