Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I've been tagged!!

Oops...and to think I could forever escape introspection. The one thing I hate accepting is my mistake and now, to pen all my idiosyncrasies down for posterity is like asking me to take a cold water bath, drink cold tea and burn all the books in my study. Anyway, I am determined to make a sincere effort and here it goes...

1. I am a better mom when others are around (Took this line from utbt, it was just so unbelievably true and this is the first time I have seen a mother publish this fact for all to see).

2. I can't positively ever in my life have food, tea and milk less than boiling hot. Tea has to drunk out of the stove and I should be able to see the boiling water in the soup before I drink it.

3. I don't really enjoy driving the car, but have always acted as though I am the coolest behind the wheel.

4. I am really lazy when it comes to work. I achieve the best results only under pressure and I often take initiative to schedule presentations with very tight deadlines so that I do some decent work.

5. I enjoy being with my kids most when hubby is also around, or when I can show them off to their grand parents!

6. I can't stand hypocrites. Anything else goes with me. Selfishness, criticism, bad mouthing, and even false attitudes are fine with me. But, hypocrites and back stabbers have no place in my life.

7. I loved pregnancy for the attention it gave me.

8. And here it comes...the worst of all.....
I have assaulted my husband twice ... Once was this blazing fight when I threw a spoon at him and he got a minor cut on his eyebrow and the other time was when he tapped me and I tapped him back, but it did hurt the both of us. Both the fights were forgotten in minutes, but the fact that I did actually hurt him is causing me a lot of pain now!!

I think I have to tag somebody else, but almost everyone I know has already been tagged by someone else I know. So, when I know someone who knows less people who know them enough to tag, I shall tag them and let you all know.

Monday, May 28, 2007

On three wheels or four?

I picked up my bag and rushed out of the door. And then, suddenly remembered that I had not taken the car keys. Should I or should I not? Shall I just give in to the temptation of taking an auto? Ah..for the pleasure of the three wheels to the four.

Have you not spent a good auto drive, chatting nineteen to a dozen with the cheerful driver? Or, spent an equally morose time with a grumpy one? No matter what, most always respond to commonplace questions from me, and the sure shot response is obtained when I comment on the bad state of the roads. A bit of concern for the auto neatly does the trick and before I know it, in a mixture of kannada and tamil, the trip passes by peacefully. Theres this real pleasure of sitting idly, watching the trees and houses go by, observing the attires and attitudes of people, grimacing at the rash driving of some and laughing at the antics of the traffic police (really, some think they are heroes entertaining the public, and others, villians to catch you even if you as much as cross the line by a millimeter). But, there inside the auto, insulated from the real life, you can let the tensions seep away. You know he will reach you in safety and anyways, its not in you hands, so why worry about it? You can sit back, and enjoy the roller coaster ride, reading the identity plates they have put up now a days behind the drivers seat, giving his name, place, fathers name and so on. There is never a dearth of entertainment, sometimes its the gas that got over, at others, a minor break down. Either way, the driver ensures that you are safely deposited in another auto before he repairs his own.

The only thing burning is the wallet. You are cool for you have had an entertaining ride and just begin heating up at the meter towards the end of the journey. Somewhere along the way, it decided to skip numbers or lost its maths and landed at an astronomically large value. Bargaining usually happens before the drive in many places (like Chennai), but here, it is almost always after. You inform them that you are a seasoned traveler and give 5 Rs plus your normal amount and pack off.

But ah..the joy of driving.. AC is a comfort in summers and the Radio Indigo blares all my favorite westerns. I love the feeling of overtaking a particularly irritating piece of vehicle and especially those 'we don't care a damn for others' BMTC busses, but nothing beats the joy of beating that which overtook you and then turned back to confirm if it was a lady who is driving! The freedom to change plans in the wink of the eye, the thrill of the near misses and the comfort in the rain weigh against the fact that I just cannot let my mind wander. I love to trace thoughts and hold on to it while traveling. In fact, this very post was thought of verbatim in an auto drive!

All said and done, are there many who would want to be behind the steering wheel in the maddening traffic when they can be behind the driver and his interesting license plate? I would rather not!

Friday, May 25, 2007

My hubby turns a year older...

A year older, but retaining,
...All the charm that you had when we first met, over seven years ago.
...Your childlike enthusiasm and penchant for going overboard in doing whatever you love
...the innocence in spirit and willingness to believe the best in everyone
...the sincerity towards work
...deep love you have for me, in spite of me being a bitch most of the time!
...the worlds most horrible sense of humor, it can't even be called a PJ or a VPJ, its just P or VP!
...the athletic figure you always had without having to work for
...the high BP you developed four years back
...the deep bond for your parents that holds strong in spite of the strife we have had the last year
...the status of the online railway ticket booker for your in laws
...the receding hairline, by which I mean that it has stopped receding the past year!! Its still at the half bald state we left it in the last birthday!
...all your friends and adding more. You just can't fight with anyone except me, can you?

Ops!! You have come back from, lemme publish it and give you a surprise. I will definitely add more later!!

Edited to add: Happy birthday, dear.

You are a year older and changing... be a good dad to Kautu and Kachi take a whole lot of responsibility on your head, yet, keep laughing and enjoying life to the fullest manage the ever negative finances, which took a heavy beating during my pregnancy support a slightly hysterical wife, whose depression after delivery is yet to heal. rationalize more before taking a decision put family first before everything else tackle emotional issues with elan, when before you would have been the first to run away from anything that involved a fight or word war. You now hold your stand, yet, try to keep calm and keep me calm during any of our fights! Whether you succeed or not depends on my mood that day!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

In reply, I bared the one month of....

This is almost a guest post. I got the following email and with her permission, I am reproducing certain parts of the mail. It is so heart wrenching that for a long time yesterday, I was putting myself in her shoes and composing my reply over and over again.

Sheila wrote ....
First of all, Belated bday wishes to Kachi and
Kautu(may i address them that way?). They are cute. Ur
blog is good. I visit ur blog but feel shy to leave
comments online. Besides I wanted to share a personal
matter. So, thought of writing u a mail.

My name is Sheila (name changed), am married and in Chennai.I love
to surf the net and came across ur blog. Actually i
surf for medical information and got linked to ur
blog. I had two premature deliveries in the 21st and
24th week and lost two babies due to incompetent

I read in ur blog that u also had OS stitched and had
to be on bedrest, bedpans etc all of which i went
through. Please if u dont mind can u share some basic
information of ur pregnancy with me. I would like to
know at how many weeks was the cervical stich put for
you and what type of bedrest u underwent ( i mean just
getting up to go to loo or not getting up even for
that purpose). You mentioned that u were in hospital a
month before delivery and had to undergo sponge bath
etc, do share some details of that. At how many weeks
were the boys born and in which hospital?? My second
boy was born at 24 weeks in spite of a cervical stitch
and complete bed rest, but my water bag bulged out and
last 10 days before his birth , i was in hospital
using bedpan. My baby did not survive.

A sincere request, as i wish to keep my details
confidential, in case u happen to write abt my mail in
ur blog pls do not mention my personal information.


First and foremost, my deepest condolences for your loss.
But I do know that you have moved on from the very fact that you
are trying to learn more about what happened to you.

As for me, I have a condition known as PCO -Poly Cystic Ovary, due to which I
had to go in for assisted pregnancy. As a result of which, there were chances of
my uterus misbehaving. So, right from day 1, I was advised complete rest and a tablet called Duodilan (which helps in relaxing the uterus and preventing contractions).
I was started on this tablet the moment the doc knew I was having twins, as there is more chances of miscarriages with assisted twin pregnancy.

In spite of all the precautions, in the second month, the ultrasound brought out a
blood clot (called retro decidual seperation) just above both the embryos. I was
immediately hospitalized and given drips of the same tablet, Duodilan for four days till the mild pain reduced. I had brown discharge the next couple of days, but the pain never recurred. It was bedrest after this till the next scan. I would get up to use the loo, but was lying down all the rest of the while (and pretty boring it was, too! You cannot read or watch the TV much as your eyes start hurting after a while, so, it was mostly sleep and think and read a few pregnancy books!).

The next month scan was fine, the fetuses were growing well and the clot had
disappeared. The injections (HCG, to sustain the pregnancy) I was taking were stopped and that helped bring down my vomitting.
I had not used any tablet to bring down the vomiting, but after it went on for four and a half months, I took one in the morning for five days and that, combined with the stopping of the injections completely stopped the vomiting. Complete rest, except for a small evening walk was the mantra for this month.

Just before the scan for the 6 th month, I started bleeding. The hospitalization routine followed and this time it was duodilan drips for five days. But, all was fine after that. The month flew by and before I knew it, it was April 18th.

That day morning, I got this long white discharge in the morning. I called up the doc and she asked me to lie down and get to the hospital immediately. My mom brought the car, grandmom tied a dupatta tightly below my waist and I was taken to the hospital lying down in the back seat. I was totally cool, and was eating my breakfast when Amma rushed in with the car. She took one look at me and said that no one can react the way I did when labour was pre maturely starting! But, by the time the car reached the hospital, my leg weighed
a ton and I could not even lift myself from the back seat. My back was paining and lower abdomen felt very heavy. I was taken to the emergency labor room and the moment the doc did an internal examination, she said that one baby's head is almost out and that they need to do an OS stitching immediately to try and keep the babies inside. In half an hour I was wheeled into the operating theater and it was all over in another hour.

When I regained consciousness in the room, my mouth was parched, back was paining miserably and kaustubh (he was the baby lying lower down) was kicking away at the OS stitching. Every kick was misery and he just refused to stop. I wanted this misery to end...wanted the kids to come out then and there and wanted to just go home. All the bravado had disappeared by then. I was on drips and my stomach had reached much beyond a normal single delivery
full term uterus. And, this was my 28th week. Babies were 1.1 and 1.3 Kg. And I know now what would have happened had they been delivered then.

The nurse mistakenly asked me walk to the loo with the catheter on, just hours after the surgery and she got the showdown of her life from the doctor. After that one time, I was horizontal till my delivery. And that means, one month of lying down, bed pan for all natures calls, continuous pain whenever Kaustubh decided to make his presence felt, CTG to get their heart beat, hot flushes in the night and hubby and bro and dad and mom to support me day in and out. Every other day, hubby would give me a sponge bath and mom and dad would help out in washing my hair. I would put my head out of the bed and they would slowly wash and shampoo my hair. I would feel fresh and rejuvenated after that wash for the
next whole day. The antibiotics were one of the worst experiences this one month. After the cervical stitch, I kept getting infections and was injected antibiotics through an IV in the hand.

One was so viscous that after the injection, my palm swelled to the size of these giant frogs
you see in Discovery and they removed the IV from that hand and inserted it in the other. Now, all the veins in one hand suffered from Thrombosis, and two in the other also suffered the same condition. These were the times I begged the doc to take the babies out..that I can't suffer any more. She rightly told me that I would suffer more if they come out earlier, but, at the state I was in, I was just praying that the doc would decide to operate anytime. She would come for rounds every day and every day I would eagerly wait for her verdict. It was always, you still have months in the hospital to go. I remember begging
her to allow me to sit for just a second, but she was adamant. She also got me
some stuff to put on my legs to prevent muscle wastage from continuous lying down. Hubby would massage every night so that I can get a few hours of sleep.

At the 33rd week, I started getting back pain again and by then, my lower abdomen was astonishingly heavy. My tummy had grown so big that I needed Hubs help to lift it when I turned side. CTG was put again, and the internal examination showed that the stitches were beginning to come out. By evening, the drips too had no effect and the pain started coming in shorted intervals.

The rest is all history. 9.54 and 9.55 PM on the 18th of May, Kaustubh and Kashyap were born, 1.9 and 1.79 Kg birth weight. The next ordeal was about to begin. NICU was going to be my next home for the next few weeks and that is another post on its own.

But I know that I have suffered less than a lot of people. And I went through it all with a big smile on my face! Yes..the doctors and all the visitors I had that one month in hospital told me how I was always cheerful and how in spite of the eager wish to be rid of all this, I kept my spirits high. My husband was with me day in and out, we used to lie next to each other on my hospital bed and say Hanuman Chalisa every night, he brought the DVD player to the room and used to get english classics for me to see, dad n mom used to make trips every afternoon getting me lovely home food so that I don't have to suffer the unpalatable hospital food and much much more. I had all the physical pain to suffer, but my family made sure that emotionally I was kept happy. I know that I have never been this happy in the months following the delivery.

I hope I helped you, sheila. I hope all goes well for you.

Lots of love and prayers,

Monday, May 21, 2007

B'day snaps...

The day after the birthday party...Kachi and Kautu have decided that one year of fighting is enough and they will be nicer to each other from now on!
My dad and mom having a great time with the kids!!

Kids and their new toys...only, their elder friends decided that Kachi n Kautu are too small to play with these, and were almost snatching it away from them!

Having a free hand with the cake..
Just decided that the cake is a pretty harmless thing and their hands won' t hurt if they smash it up!

Grandparents feeding the kids..
Lighting the lamp and cutting the cake!

Angry at not being able to touch the knife..

First birthday bash

Kachi and Kautu turned 1 last Friday. We thought and thought whether to have a big b'day bash and decided not to go in for it. For one thing, we really didn't believe in blowing out candles and cutting cakes (we are supposed to light lamps and bring light into their lives, rather than blow out the light!) and for another, we would end up the most harassed, all running around for the party and no time at all to socialize with all the different crowds, wondering whom to spend time with, if one party will feel left out when we spend time with the other. But I did want to do something special for them.

So, we finally ended up celebrating the 18th with just my mother and the four of us. First got a lovely suit for them, and then proceeded to Dominos to eat our hearts out. Kautu slept within minutes of reaching there and Kachi swept the whole place with this new pants. He also acted as the doorkeeper, waiter, shoe polisher and table cleaner for everyone. We raced back home and kautu refused to wake up even during the rough ride home. Kachi meanwhile, spent another one hour entertaining all of us at home. He was crawling around his room, climbing in and out of bed, switching on and off the lights and fans, hitting every solid thing on the floor and making noise, singing and shouting and we were encouraging him every time he did something. And he is such a sucker for praise, that whenever he feels he has done something we would appreciate (like reaching up and catching something I have asked him not to take), he will turn back and look at us. After he switches on the light, he turns back and sees if we are appreciating his effort. And so, any way, he spent the whole hour entertaining us, and was there to wish me a 'happy delivery time'!!! Dad also called up at 9.54 pm and wished both the guys a happy b'day time! (Kautu was born at 9.54pm and Kachi at 9.55). And we then hugged both the guys, put Kachi to sleep and spent the night reminiscing 'this time last year'.

19th was a Saturday and we decided to call a few people home for dinner. Pretty late to round up people, but since we were calling only those whom we were really close with, we thought it didn't matter. And so, spent the whole morning shopping for stuff and rounding up our friends. Got a lot of satin ribbons and did up the house. Blew a few balloons and let Kachi and Kautu have a field day with them. Amma was busy the whole day making Channa curry and 'puttu' (a kerala rice item) and Karthik was incharge of the ice cream and fruit salad. Kachi and Kautu were incharge of recharging us. So, on the whole, the day passed very fast and it was soon time for everyone to come.

Our neighbors arrived first and the rest of the friends slowly tickled in. Once my dad arrived from Chennai, we set the table for the cake cutting. And as I mentioned before, we let go of the candles and brought out the lamps from the pooja room. Kept it in front of the cake and karthik and I lit it holding Kachi and Kautu. We cut the cake, fed the guys and then.....let them free to enjoy their cake on their own!!! Check out the snaps for that! The rest of the evening was fun..chatted with everyone, fed them to their hearts content and played with the guys. Kachi n Kautu were such darlings, not one moment did they crib or were they uneasy the whole evening. In fact, they took to all their new toys and started dissembling them immediately!

A tired family plonked out, tired but awesomely happy that the first b'day went off so well, happy that the kids have turned 1 and their age is no longer counted in months, happy that from a mere 1.6 Kg last year this time, to 9.5 Kg, they have come a long way, happy that they got over all the initial hiccups of infections and aspirations, happy that they respond to us so well and finally, happy that they are such happy and healthy little boys.

May god bless these two and give them a long and healthy life. The rest of it, they can make for themselves!

Check out the snaps in the next photo post!!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Good housekeeping!

You might have to squint your eyes to read this, but it is definitely worth it. We talk of feminism and male chauvinism, but this one definitely takes the cake. I stumbled upon this while searching for housekeeping tips and couldn't but share it with you all!! Let me know what you think!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Its been a wheezing week...

I would have wished for the past week to have whizzed by, but it wheezed by! My sense of humor is not exactly first rate, so, you should begin to expect lines as these! But yes, Kautu got a bout of wheezing after the mysore trip we had taken last to last week (I didn't write about that as I didn't want you all bored by the details of a journey where nothing happened, except that Kachi shat in the car!) and the poor guy has been suffering since. We did give him his prescribed medicine (Deriphyllin), but cut down the dosage as he seemed to recover fast. However, he still hasn't made a good recovery and has bouts of coughing and sneezing and a running nose the whole day through. The home remedy that sure shot works is inhaling. But as you can imagine, no child of one year is going to peacefully sit through your attempts to butt his head into a cauldron full of steaming water. And so, every morning and evening, the house is filled with his desperate cries, till his parents can't stand that wet hair, leaking nose, red face and loud cry anymore.
After that I rush about getting a blanket and covering him up totally so that his body doesn't cool fast (This is something my mom used to do to me too, ahh..yes, you guessed right, I too had severe wheezing and asthma problem when small, which disappeared mysteriously when I turned 10 years!). And does he look adorable, all wrapped up, basking in the attention he's been getting over Kachi and trying his level best to wriggle out of the tight wrap.

Kachi's been feeling left out the past week, so, decided to get himself a cough AND stay awake the whole of yesterday night coughing. I did give him his drops, but no relief here. So, I spent the night putting a coughing Kautu to sleep from 12 to 1.30 AM and a coughing Kachi to sleep from 4 to 6 AM, so, was pretty much bushed by the time Kautu woke up at 6.30. Luckily for me, my in laws have been here the last two days, so, they took full charge of Kautu till I got my real needed sleep.
Bringing up twins is a good load of work (bringing up a single kid is too, and I really admire the parents who have to cater to the needs of their first born and the completely different need of the second, the infant or toddler) but on nights like yesterdays, I feel that the toughest situation a mother can ever face is a pair of sick twins!!!! Both need to be carried around, massaged, steamed, syruped, fed, patted, rocked and sung to, for them to forget coughing for a while and fall asleep. And since their dad has to be in office the next day, the burden falls on the mother, who for all intents and purposes is supposed to be at home, and so, can 'rest' during the day!!! huh?? But no complaints here, through the hard work and effort, theres the satisfaction that the babies slept when I rocked them, when I sang to them, they cling to me when sick and they need me to be with them all the time, as long as their nose is leaking and their throat is itchy. And for all the cribbing I seem to be doing, I would not have anybody else take care of them when sick. Not even their dad. I can't sleep in the other room hearing the cries of the other baby. I am able to assure myself that the baby is fine and not really suffering as much as his cough seems to indicate, only when I am the one holding him while his little body rocks in the spasms. This is not to say that the dad doesn't feel all this, he is affected too, but, by now, he has kind of gotten used to Kautu getting a wheezing attack once a month and Kachi getting a running nose once in a while. Also, he does not get to see them suffering the whole day through, and I think this gives him a chance to practice 'I don't see them, so, I assume they are fine' syndrome. Its a great syndrome that enables one to work efficiently in office leaving the kids at home!

They will not need me a few years from now, and I am enjoying their need and their single pointed devotion while it lasts!

After the wheezing whizzes by,
And the coughing crawls away,
A tired mother lets out a sigh,
But never ceases to pray.

p.s. I like rhyming words too (if that makes it a poem, so be it!).

Sunday, May 6, 2007

No one has hoo..

I think I have got addicted! One day has passed and none of my favorite bloggers have written a post! I have an assignment to finish and my kids are screaming out here, but all I can think of now is that I have nothing interesting to read.

Whats a morning now a days if I don't sit by the table with a hot cup of 'Chai' and start browsing my favorite blogs? Yup..thats the very first thing I do, even before brushing my teeth. Their dad has to go to office, but I grab this time from him and relish the first half an hour of the day! After he leaves, I rush about, feeding the kids, playing with them, giving them their bath (this is a good half an hours activity, they splash around the tub, go nosing into all the buckets, in fact, Kashyap has recently started putting his head into the bucket full of water and blowing bubbles into it!), give their milk and put them to sleep. And then, I do what I am doing now!!!!!

First, go through all my favorite sites (I am very picky here, I go in the order of my preference), comment on relevant topics, start playing around with softwares etc. that I can insert into my site to make it more pleasing (I haven't scored much here!) and then write my own post. I have just discovered what a pleasure this networking is. It has given me the boost to strive further in being a mother and a working professional. I have read very well thought of, very well written and very meaningful articles on both Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms. I have read about the movie Mozhi, the pangs of leaving college, the humor on board flights and the nasty things that can happen there too, the perception of mother and much much more.

The beauty of all these posts is that they all come very true from the heart, from ones own experiences. Much unlike the articles you find in the newspapers or magazines. They just lack the lustre when compared with the blog posts. Each post by each person is unique. In most cases, they want to convey their experiences, their feelings, thoughts and argue about things they hold very dearly. And most bloggers are very well read and have beautiful language. I feel it is almost like an interactive 'Chicken soup for the soul'. With immediate responses and solutions. I have got great advise for two of the issues I face and let me tell you, I value it all the more because it has come from people who have had the first hand experience of it.

So, do you wonder why I say 'boo hoo' when there hasn't been a post from anyone?? I love the stimulation and I love the writing! I am a certified book junkie, but you bloggers have turned me into a blog junkie as well! So write please, and make my day.

Friday, May 4, 2007

As they are about to turn a year...

I am wrestling with a few identity problems. On the one hand, my husband wants me to learn further, pursue my higher studies and on the other, I want to spend time with my two.
He has a valid point. Its just a matter of two years till I finish my MBA and then we can build a totally new different life together. And that these guys are definitely going to be proud of what their mother has achieved once they are grown up.

But I can't even begin to imagine the amount of sacrifice I need to make for that. I need to get in somebody to take care of my babies, I will miss being with my husband and when I come home in the weekends, I will notice the diminishing attachment in their eyes. The problem here is that most of the reputed MBA institutes insist that you stay on campus. This must definitely be frustrating to married students. I am not sure if there is any exception that is made for them, but as far as my limited knowledge goes, there is none.

This is a call that I have to take. It is not necessary that I get admission, but in case I do, then what? What if it is to an institute in another city? Would I be fine visiting my family once a month and for a few days at that? I will be missing out two complete years of their lives, is it worth it? On the other hand, its just two years compared to the lifetime of comfort and pride that I can give once I am through with this. And, on a personal note, MBA is something I have always wanted to give.

According to my husband, I should think of it this way. I have two fine children, my finances, though still running negative with all the pregnancy expenditure, is beginning to stabilise and my husband's career is going forward in full force, so, it is time for me to start thinking about myself. Time to put things in perspective and say are kids, they will grow up to realise that their mother and father are not just mom and dad, but also individuals who have hopes and ambitions of their own and that they should care their parent's ambition as their parents care for theirs. I know they are too young to realise all this, they are just going to miss their mom, no matter what. But later on, when we tell them how much they helped their mom reach where she is at that point, don't you think they will be proud of both themselves and me?

Another factor here is my husband. He truly feels that I can do much more than what I am doing right now. Agreed I am working from home, but he feels that I should have pursued my MBA dreams a long time back and wants to make amends for it. He is feeling guilty too, that while many of my peers have gone on to study further, I am still where I am. I told that it is really no issue at all, I am fully well enjoying myself now, but he still is worried. Worried that I had to give up something for the family and that I am wasting the faculties that the good lord has showered me with.

So, in all, its still a confusion. Theres a lot to give and take on both arguments. We still haven't decided. I still haven't applied for CAT and GMAT. I still don't know if I ever shall. But let this go down on the internet chronicles that we both wanted something and if we didn't go ahead, it would be solely for our sons and if we did, it would be for ourselves. Both are justifiable, and the step would be taken with absolutely no regrets! So long, guys, wish your mom and dad all the best.
They are going to take steps that just might change your lives altogether!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Why one blogs...

I have a few links (1,2) that explain beautifully why one blogs. The conclusion you can draw from these two blogs is that, one blogs for absolutely one's own reasons.
In fact, writing a blog does not need a reason. Do I sound confused here? Let me explain. There is a theory in psychology which states that some people behave as they do, only because they can. Behaved rudely only because no one stopped them, used something only because it was available. Though this might have been how they started off, very often, it becomes a behavioral condition, or a habit. For e.g., I read an article about how a child, intelligent, well respected in his school and a great favorite with his friends, behaved abominably at home. On analysis, it was found that there was nothing wrong with him, except that, he daren't behave the way he does at home elsewhere. He didn't face any parental censure, so, behaved as he wanted with them!
For all the number of words I wrote above, the fact I wanted to convey was just this, I write blogs only because I can. I started out like that, and now, its become a habit, a compulsion. The pride that one associates with growing up something, be it a child or a blog is the same. I take pride in the comments my readers write, in the number of htmls I add to my blog, in the number of posts I put up and what I write in them.
But, over and above anything else, I take pride in my children, my work, my husband and my home, for I take effort over everything only because I can.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Recipie for a better self esteem...

Mind you, being fat, overweight and obese didn't make me loose my self esteem. I told my self several times over and over again that it is the person inside that counts. No matter what the outer wrapping is, I am a great person inside, confident, understanding and intelligent. It shouldn't matter to anyone who really loves me, what I look like.
But no matter what said and done, no matter how well I carried my self, theres always the shopping experience to pull you back to reality. It was when I would go to buy a dress that I would lament my weight. I would end up looking at my self in the dressing room mirror and see the frustration mirrored in my eyes when a dress that I fell in love with, would just not fit. Towards the end of an hour or so, I would grit my teeth and take the only ones that would fit me. It would not hold a candle against the ones I really liked. Thats when I would resolve to loose weight. But this feeling kept roller coasting.
Around January this year, I started getting severe knee pain. I could not even stand for five minutes at a stretch, leave alone bending and picking up the kids. The orthopedic told me that there is nothing wrong with my leg other than the weight I am putting on it. This gave me the scare of my life. Me, a 25 year old active woman, being reduced to this? That challenge was enough to get me going.
....What I did...

The first three weeks, I just spent in slowly reducing my intake. I started out by replacing all the high calorie food with lesser ones.
  • milk -> slim milk (Nestle, Amul etc.)
  • sugar -> sweetner
  • rice -> atta (whole wheat) noodles
Rest of the care I took:
  • no oil
  • slim milk and muesli for breakfast and dinner
  • loads of vegetables and noodles for lunch
  • diet rusk for tea
  • fruits whenever hungry

Thats it!! Lost quite a lot of weight with this diet (around 3 KG per week) and then moved on to General Motors Diet the next week. It is quite a difficult diet to follow, but is supposed to cleanse your system and give a good weight loss. A scientific program that ensures that you stay healthy but remove all the extra deposits.
I found only the first day very difficult to follow, rest of it was pretty much smooth sailing. Did feel a bit weak at times, but since I am at home, could take adequate rest and recuperate.
Lost a total of 4.5 Kg that week and have been maintaining that weight till now.

P.s: A small note!! I followed the healthy diet through the week and relaxed on weekends. It was more to let go off my craving that I ate a bit of rice and the usual food I serve my husband, and less of the need to give my tummy a change, a small reward for managing to stay off the fatty food! Do go through this note about metabolism and diet. I think I did just that. Reduced my daily diet to a healthy one and once my knee problems were gone, started exercising to build up the muscles.
I feel good now. I no longer have the urge to keep eating everything in sight. My hands don't rush for the oily snacks on the counter nor my eyes wander to the high calorie food on the menu. But I still do eat them once a while to remind myself that I am not missing out on much. Just some oil, some fat and a bit of taste!!