I am definitely pro-choice..in that, you have a choice whether you want to conceive or not, not whether you want to retain it or not. For us, knowing that we have our hands full presently, and that we definitely want a second attempt for a girl child, it was just a matter of deciding when, and the fact that I have a PCO problem made our mind for us. The earlier the better. So, we waited for a year and then didn't mind it whenever it happened.
But does the rest of the world think so? A prominent doctor in a prominent hospital we went to, to confirm the pregnancy propped this question to us the moment I showed her the self pregnancy kit and told her that we are parents to one year old twins..."First tell me if you want to keep it". Wow! It was quite a shock as that was the last thing on our mind. Here we were sitting elated because I had conceived without any doctor intervention especially when my previous gynec was convinced I would need another set of follicle study and the paraphernalia to conceive and here was this lady...asking us in that harsh and totally unfeeling voice if we want to keep 'it' or not! We never went to her after that. The very next day we took an appointment with another doctor in the same hospital who thankfully didn't react the same way. A relief for us..for, we really didn't want to hunt hospitals down looking for a humane doctor.
And what about the reactions of others? I somehow think the main attitude was..."Does she really need this after having two boys?" Two is the mantra these days and no one could understand my need to conceive once more. There are relatives very close to my husband and me who have not congragulated us even once or mentioned this fact when they come visiting! I do all the house work, cooking, looking after the kids and not once will they talk about the pregnancy, or if my morning sickness is causing any trouble...sorry guys..not talking of it will not take it away! And then, there are others, like an elderly friend of my mothers who said that you should not conceive till till you first kid is atleast 2 years old..and proudly went on to tell me how she had two abortions after her first kid...and for no reason other than that her first baby was just one plus and she doesn't want the added burden of another right then. Solid enough reason to take a life? I am a strong believer in god. What he has given, he alone has the right to take. We can prevent..thats our choice..but after that, its no longer in our hands. Infact, more sordid stories started coming out from relations and friends once I told them I am pregnant..another friend of mine in office had an abortion when her first child was a year old..and why? cause she was already having issues in office and didn't want her career to get affected again. Then why not take care, godammit? Why be careless and then take a bloody decision? Well, I do truly believe in divine retribution and the lady who promoted abortion and got two herself lost her husband at a very tender age..I am really sorry for her, but I believe that we reap what we sow..and nature has a way of getting back at us.
This post might be a bit harsh, but, I have certainly gotten to know a few things I would have been better off not knowing and gives me a relief to vent it out at this forum. No matter how difficult things are for us now, and we know that they are going to be worse in the year to come, we are jolly well glad that another kid is on its way and Karthiks and my love for each other and the sheer joy we get by being with our kids is enough to take us through it all. We just choose to enjoy every minute we get with the kids..every minute with each other..and in fact, every minute of the day..so, won't you say its a wise choice we made??!!
Edited to add: I think I am biased by the fact that I had a tough time conceiving the first time round ..and for an entire two weeks, spent time with dozens of wanna be mothers undergoing IVF. I saw their trauma and empathized with them so much that a baby has now become something very sacred..something that has to be worked for. And thats why we were so surprised, shocked, elated and grateful when I became pregnant out of the blue this time!! Maybe if I was not exposed to the other side of it, the side where people have been praying for a baby for years on end and suffering untold miseries, emotional and physical, I would not be so harsh on others who take the personal choice of ending it. But I truly well understand, as Anitha points out, that a kid who is not wanted should not be brought into this world by unwilling parents, but here again, we are sympathizing with the kid, not the parent. Is there truly anything that will make you sympathize with a parent that decides to let go of a life? The only other acceptable reason can be finances. But don't all strata of society bring up kids? If a life was truly important, we would definitely make the best efforts despite being financially tight. Lifestyles might have to be compromised, but it is just an inconvenience, not an impossibility. I can understand, but shall still be judgmental about couples who decide to abort because, somehow, every reason when you rip it apart, still boils down to either selfishness, an unwillingness to compromise and an aversion to physical pain. I know it is their decision, my feelings are not going to matter a bit, but, this blog, being my outlet, lets me vent out the steam inside and guys, please lets argue it out..is there something I have missed out that can shake the conviction I have?