Missing and mushing...

One week kachi and kautu were in chennai with my parents. And that was a week that had me up a roller coaster ride...missing them one minute and savoring the freedom the next! I took a day off and finished the seventh Harry Potter...something that would have taken me a week or more with the kids around! Hubby and I caught a late night show, visited friends and made it a point to not return home before 11 every day of the week!
But for all this, almost half an hour of our time together, be it shopping, or in the car, or sitting face to face in a quite and secluded spot in the costliest of restaurants and trying to recreate the magic of yester years, kachi and kautu were in our thoughts and words! We would be discussing something and suddenly I would exclaim " you know, if kachi was here, he would be making a beeline for that plant there..." and karthik would say.." yeah..and kautu would be sitting on the table and swiping away its contents in a jiffy!!"..and we would laugh...a pure laugh of sheer enjoyment no other discussion of our could ever have brought out.
So, whats the freedom I was talking about? Its just an illusion that having more time means freedom. That one week has brought this to me... freedom is the ability to do what you want to fully well knowing its consequences. It is not having the time to do what you want to do. For instance, it is purely my choice, influenced by no other that I decide to sit here typing away than being in office..I know I am doing it while the kids are sleeping and I didn't go to work today cause they are sick. To me, this symbolizes freedom. When the kids were in Chennai, I went to office every day of the week, spent the evenings roaming around with Karthik, but those were things that we did purely because we had the time for it. Not because we weighed the consequences and took a decision. Being unoccupied or having ample time seems to be a bondage that bonds you more towards things that are not in fact essential for you. What is the use of time when your mind is occupied elsewhere? When your mind is happy, it is free to think, to philosophize and create. And happiness to me now...is in the smile of my kids and karthik's relaxed and contended face. And I am striving to keep these permanent with all my heart!!!