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Friday, April 20, 2007

Sibling sentiments

I have heard other mothers talking about sibling rivalry and read a post on sibling love. Yet, what I see in my two sons seem not to correlate with either. May be they are not big enough to get feeling of brotherly affection, may be all they want now is just motherly affection or may be, they both are just two very independent and assertive people (their taurian nature superceding everything else!).

Kaustubh, when he is not pulling Kashyap's hair is either slapping his cheek or kissing his cheek. I find it rather difficult to understand. Does he know he's hurting his brother? May be not. But, he does definitely know by now that kissing his cheek is a display of affection, cause he frequently kisses mine and his dads. Kaustubh just pulled Kachi's hair. And don't worry about the cry...he cries this much even if Kautu as much as touched his face!

Coming back to the issue, Kashyap isn't bad either. Once, when I was changing Kautu's wet shorts, Kachi came up silently and poked him hard in the eye. My heart popped into my mouth and I desperately tried to quieten Kautu to peep into his eyes. It took me nearly half an hour to achieve this, but my heart came back to its usual position only after I saw that his eyes were fine and not even reddened. And I did get angry with Kachi for this. Not that I told them anything now...they would just get upset and not understand what the fuss is all about. But then, back in the deep recess of my mind I realized that this was fair justice after all, Kachi was just taking revenge for the innumerable hair pulling sessions he had been subjected to.

I couldn't get a snap of it, but yesterday, kautu was kissing kachi all over the face. Kachi who usually cries when Kautu as much as comes near him, lied still throughout the whole kissing episode. Neither did I gladden at this, nor did I despair for its infrequency, for I knew this is a passing phase. They would be down at each others throat the next minute, but for an instant, I felt some hope. Some hope that things might get better once they start playing together, once they realize that the toy is meant to be played with than bitten into, once they see that two is better than one at a game, mainly, once they grow up.

My hands are crossed. I hope they grow up to appreciate the differences in each other, to see how they complement each other, to help each other out of situations and remain indifferent of the inevitable comparisons being twin of the same gender can evoke. I hope I can instill in them enough confidence to take it all light and take life with all its failings in their stride.

I hope your hands are crossed too!

4 comments:

the mad momma said...

have you ever slapped either of them? i dont think so.. that is why they dont know that slapping is not a good thing. for them.. any physicality is love.. my son is almost two and he shows his affection to the little one really roughly.... am sure they love each other to bits

Crumbling Cookie said...

I am not sure if you know about itchy. She has twin sons-Tejas and Ojas. You might want to check out her blog, its real neat.
http://itchingtowriteblogs.blogspot.com

Krishnapriya said...

mad momma...I sure hope so. But I am finding it real tough keeping them off each others throat. Today Kachi pulled kautu down when he was standing up. I know all this sounds like petty fights, but it does worry me that I can't leave my kids together without someone crying in 2 seconds.
I've been following your brat and bean...would love to have the brat over here and give my two some lessons in showing physical love!!!

Premalatha said...

Krishnapriyacr,

My brother and I fought with each other all the time. violently. Hated each other all the time. There is a five year gap. Still we did that. We did it until I left for college. After that though the physical fight stopped, sibling rivalry didn't. Now my husband tells me that my brother and I have the most strong sibling bond he has ever come across. (He has three sisters himself too). So don't worry. As long as you keep an eye on them from getting hurt physically, as both are really small and all... They will be fine.
:-)