As they are about to turn a year...

I am wrestling with a few identity problems. On the one hand, my husband wants me to learn further, pursue my higher studies and on the other, I want to spend time with my two.
He has a valid point. Its just a matter of two years till I finish my MBA and then we can build a totally new different life together. And that these guys are definitely going to be proud of what their mother has achieved once they are grown up.

But I can't even begin to imagine the amount of sacrifice I need to make for that. I need to get in somebody to take care of my babies, I will miss being with my husband and when I come home in the weekends, I will notice the diminishing attachment in their eyes. The problem here is that most of the reputed MBA institutes insist that you stay on campus. This must definitely be frustrating to married students. I am not sure if there is any exception that is made for them, but as far as my limited knowledge goes, there is none.

This is a call that I have to take. It is not necessary that I get admission, but in case I do, then what? What if it is to an institute in another city? Would I be fine visiting my family once a month and for a few days at that? I will be missing out two complete years of their lives, is it worth it? On the other hand, its just two years compared to the lifetime of comfort and pride that I can give once I am through with this. And, on a personal note, MBA is something I have always wanted to give.

According to my husband, I should think of it this way. I have two fine children, my finances, though still running negative with all the pregnancy expenditure, is beginning to stabilise and my husband's career is going forward in full force, so, it is time for me to start thinking about myself. Time to put things in perspective and say that..kids are kids, they will grow up to realise that their mother and father are not just mom and dad, but also individuals who have hopes and ambitions of their own and that they should care their parent's ambition as their parents care for theirs. I know they are too young to realise all this, they are just going to miss their mom, no matter what. But later on, when we tell them how much they helped their mom reach where she is at that point, don't you think they will be proud of both themselves and me?

Another factor here is my husband. He truly feels that I can do much more than what I am doing right now. Agreed I am working from home, but he feels that I should have pursued my MBA dreams a long time back and wants to make amends for it. He is feeling guilty too, that while many of my peers have gone on to study further, I am still where I am. I told that it is really no issue at all, I am fully well enjoying myself now, but he still is worried. Worried that I had to give up something for the family and that I am wasting the faculties that the good lord has showered me with.

So, in all, its still a confusion. Theres a lot to give and take on both arguments. We still haven't decided. I still haven't applied for CAT and GMAT. I still don't know if I ever shall. But let this go down on the internet chronicles that we both wanted something and if we didn't go ahead, it would be solely for our sons and if we did, it would be for ourselves. Both are justifiable, and the step would be taken with absolutely no regrets! So long, guys, wish your mom and dad all the best.
They are going to take steps that just might change your lives altogether!