At home, in bangalore, out of work and enjoying it

just about sums up my existence right now! Oh... and minus a computer and plus the net connection, so that the occasional visits of my brother with his laptop enables me to give a mild update on whats been happening here!!! Yes, I finally resigned, resigned from office and to the fact that three kids prone to wheezing and asthma equals the mom being at home for them!! Cost cutting includes just having a maid who blitzkriegs in the morning for mopping up the house, and all the rest of the household jobs resting squarely on my rather wide shoulders! Being at home is just so much work that I am astounded how I ever managed to sneak in office work. I mean, now when I am not washing the vessels, I am cooking, else I a putting the still breastfeeding krithika to sleep or I am cleaning the ever messy house, so, how in the world did I have enough space in my head to carry on building code and designing all those complex designs?? Is it the case of 'man adapting, rather expanding himself to situations' which means that I have essentially shrunk mentally? I am not sure, may be by the time my brother drops in here again, I might have an answer!

Going home again...

As in keeping with my history of ever changing decisions, we are moving back to bangalore again...after a stormy two months in Chennai. It feels great to imagine being back in one's own home, the nest you created for yourself, where your authority will not be questioned and where you need listen to no one but yourself. Along with it is also the image of toil, of waking up early and getting all the meals on the table before 9, of giving innumerable baths one after another to the three kids, of countless visits to the bathroom taking one or both of the twins for their natures calls, of trying to catch a wink of sleep in the afternoon to be rudely woken up by Krithika who rarely sleeps for more than an hour, of cleaning the house again and again so that Karthik can come back to a pleasing house, of endless sessions of feeding, giving bath and putting to sleep and last but not the least, fights that I will now have to again sort out on my own. Is it just two months that I have been here? Feels like ages since I was sole incharge of the kids. Then again, there are the images of cozy afternoons shared by Karthik, krithika and me, when the vanarams are asleep, of the movies we used to catch up before they woke up, of the playing and mucking around we did once karthik came back from office, of the almost every day trips we used to make so that the kids get to stretch their legs outside and of the sheer joy in being in your house with just you and your immediate family. Nothing rivals that, I know!
Going home again....less in words, more in memories and happiness.

Why do I never seem to get settled?

Why is it that almost everyone I know have a stable job, are settled in a place for good and build a life for themselves in the place they work? I would have loved to do the very same, except for a series of serious, emotionally draining and bewildering experiences, I would not have changed a thread on the life I had. A beautiful house, in a very green location and a rewarding job. It is strange that every time I have felt that I am settled, all is exactly what I have wanted it to be, things have gone horribly wrong.
Kaustubh and Kashyap started going to school from May, and started falling sick every other week from May. With kachi, things were still fine, as he recovered quickly, but kautu, the intensity of his allergic attacks began to grow in such proportion that very soon, a running nose would have us biting our nails in tension, for it was now almost a certainity that a running nose entailed a wheesing attack and a viral and a secondary bacterial infection. Things finally got out of hand the last month and he was admitted with Pneumonia. Krithika was admitted in the next bed with a bronchal infection she picked up from Kautu and Kachi was sleeping on the attender's cot. At one point, kautu even stopped responding to our calls and thats when they shifted him to the ICU. The only comment by the doctors was that, the entire peadiatric ward was full of patients with bronchal infection, and the cause for this is just the pathetic Bangalore climate. And thats when I decided I will not show kautu this city till he is at least 5 years old. The day he recovers enough to travel I am going to Chennai to stay with my parents till karthik can find a job there.
One week later, we reached Chennai and he's been fine since. Its been a month here and I have found a house close by to my parents place. We are shifting next month. Karthik has not searched another job here, but is planning to work a few days from Chennai and a few from Bangalore. I don't know if this is going to work, but please pray that it does. For, if the kid is healthy, theres nothing we cannot achieve, if he is not, we are stunted physically, emotionally and professionally. Theres just so much to do, a big relocation, setting up the new house and what not, jobs compromised in the process, and god alone knows if it is all worth it.

Krithika at 5 months...

is the absolute darling I have always longed for! She turned over a month back and now the moment you place her on the bed, she's done a 180 degree and busily kicking her legs. I put her in the crip beside me when I work and till she is hungry, she keeps up a non stop flow of conversation...mostly 'goo ingu' from her part and a lot of chatter from mine.
She loves having her brothers near her, infact, she refuses to drink if either of them or their dad is close by. She keeps turning her head to look at them, and forgets that she was consuming her meal! Why, if I look down on her when she is drinking, her mouth curls into a charming smile and all thoughts of milk vanishes! So, at times, I resort to covering her up with my dupatta even at home and missing the sight of her chubby face busily absorbed in doing what it knows best!
She cries when hungry, wet or sleepy (and ofcourse, when she has had her hands/legs pulled by her brothers). Period. Rest of the time, she is happy looking around and clutching at whatever is in her tiny hands reach. Lately, she has started cribbing when someone new picks her up. aha...my sweet tempered baby is growing up all too soon.
But truly, compared to the ruckus the twins are creating now (Terrible twos ... this word found its way into our dictionary a few weeks back and refuses to budge out of it), she is heaven. Infact, both Karthik and I endorse that fact that when your first child is in his terrible twos, it is better to have an infant at home, firstly because the infant reminds you that the monster you are seeing was not always like this, and secondly, the tiny innocence relieves you of all the headache, backache and handache that you are suffering from! (more on the twin disasters coming up in the next post, but, really, I have wanted to run out of this house many a times over the last one week!).
In short, our sunshine, our oasis, our baby Krithika (thats how the brothers call her), has filled our life with so much joy, we now understand the meaning of 'bundle of joy' (with the twins, it was always worry, worry that they have to put on weight, worry that they will fall sick and so on). Cuddling up to her at anytime in the day wipes clean all the dust that has accumulated in the mind and rubs a soothing balm over all the hurt. Her smile finds a mirror in mine and karthiks and we now find ourselves laughing and smiling almost the entire day (it is with her help that we even manage to keep our marbles intact inspite of the wild run her brothers give us). We love the twins to bits, even when they are at their stubborn worst, but Krithika right now fills a special part of us, a part that responds to the innocence in her.
If you ask me, I would say, the more the kids, the more joy in the house, but well, you might just want to stop at three ...we certainly do!

The resignation story

This is about a mom, with three kids, trying her best to retain a very interesting job as well as take good care of her kids. Solution after solution was tried, but nothing could please her. She wanted to be at home for them, at the same time, was loath to leave this highly interesting job. Working from home, like what she was used to seemed the best solution, only, the company that aquired her previous company has no work from home policy.
So, she put a deal with the company that for one month she be allowed to do 4 hours from home and another 4 hours from office. This worked out fine, but after one month, she still was not ready to get back to working full time from office. One, she was still breastfeeding her baby and did not want to stop that, next, her boys were also still quite young and leaving all the three with the maid did not seem a good idea. So, what was the other option? Resign.
So, the next day after the one month trial ended, she spoke to her manager about how difficult it is at home, and how she wants to quit if work from home is not possible. He then took some time, and asked her to meet the next higher up who then told her that with her good performance records, he is recommending to the HR that she be given this part time from home and part time from office work mode for an entire year.
Now, she had nothing to say, except thanks and nothing more to do than show a deeper commitment to her work!
So, thats how she is sitting here at home, typing away these lines to share her news with all of you!

Some long due snaps

The guys in their birthday suit...doing what they enjoy the most...

The birthday boys, in their last year's birthday dress!!! Oh yes, they still fit into it..which just goes to show how the negligible 3 Kgs they have put on is nowhere to be seen!

Krithika a month back.....There's a smile you will always see on her!

More snaps are coming in soon...time's now heavy on my hands but light on the camera!

Happy 2 nd birthday, dears!

Dearest Kachi and Kautu,
You are laughter, you are fun, infact, there is a smile on your face almost every other second. I rarely see you dull. My bundles of energy, oodles of smile......heights of frustration, everything you guys are! All 13 Kgs of love and 13 teeth of naughtiness, a few hairs of wisdom and two dimples of stubborness, you are. Mouthfull of orders, tongue full of cheek, eyes full of mischief and a smile that says..." Amma, I have just done something you don't like" ....all this and more you are. Four hands of games and two hands of fights, a back that shows teeth marks and a head that has seen walls, floors, bats, beds and what not. A little brown hair, a lot of black, two brown eyes and two black, one fair face and one dusky, two hands with fingers slender and two with chubby, one tall frame and another shorter, one good eater and the other poor, one talks one to a dozen, the other with perfect pronunciation, you guys are in no way similar.
One thing you dont differ ....... is in the way you smile when you see your dad and me, the way you come to us to solve your little fights and the way you respond to our hearts full of love.
Love you guys to bits, have a lovely lovely year ahead.
Loads of Luv,
Amma

Okay, for one, certain things need to be sorted out. Issues:
1. Office says I have work for 4 hours in office and 4 hours at home. Now I am really uncomfortable working 4 hours in office after being rather used to working from home. Not that I mind being in office, its quite a lot of fun, its rather that I miss being with my kids. Well, they do join school end of May, but till then, I really really miss being with them. More that that, theres my little girl to think of. She's been an absolute gem till now, playing/sleeping for a solid 2 1/2 hours after her feed so that her mom can go to office and finish some sizable work before getting back. I am really really worried that I will miss her to madness once I decide to get back fulltime.
2. I have become so addicted to the process of staying at home and working flexi hours that this whole thing of shuttling to and fro has become very unsettling. Neither can I leave the kids feeding to anyone else, nor am I able to work the full 8 hours and still do all the things I used to do for them.
3. As any other mom, I looove the kids too much to be without them the entire day ..may be I should not have started this work from home at all. I might have not known the heaven of staying at home, of being there for every hurt, every tear and hear every laughter. Pat them to sleep in the afternoon, be there when they come searching for me, sing them songs all day through and play rough and touch and bring huuge smiles to their faces. I just should not have experienced all this. Then the pang of weaning away would not have been there. I still have time to decide...

All my posts now seem to have the same content, as this is all I am able to think all day long. Maybe when I am out of this crisis, I will have more content for you to read, till then, do bear with me!

Dedicated to the organisers of the mega baby shower...

For all those ladies who spent so much time and came up with the amazing baby shower....

Hi you all and sorry for not keeping in touch.
My baby's been keeping me busy pretty much.
Congrats to you all for the amazing work done
Inspite your busy schedules and your little ones.

Lovely poems and wonderful clues
Enough to drive away the MTB's blues
I saw from Boo's what fun they had
That I couldn't take part, I am very sad.

I've joined back work but still no maid.
Its like walking in the sunlight and seeing no shade.
Hours stretch from 7am to 12 midnight
And the three wake up every 2 hours at night.

So sleep is nil and work is more
My eyes are heavy and my back is sore
But it brings a smile to my face
to see you all doing so much with grace.

I wish someone would give me a shower
Just raising three kids gives any one a shudder
I am digressing, I just wanted to say
That I am proud of you, if I may!!!

Here is the originator and what she had to say....
Hats off to you all.

Sitting with two in my lap..

Kautu on the chair armrest and Kachi on my lap, as I type away, I realise that I just don't want to send them to play school so early, would in fact prefer joining work two months later so that they cross two when they join school. Would someone convince my husband that a two months loss of pay is bearable? Or is it not? I don't know. We are just mildly out of some financial crisis and thats why it is so critical that I get back. Critical and heart wrenching, cause I sent of the previous maid and now, I cannot leave them at home but have to compromise for a playschool cum daycare centre (as all the play schools are closed for summer) for the next two months. The montessori we have chosen opens in June and till then, I plan to send them in the mornings to a day care and that is sooo difficult. I am still going to work from home for Krithika, but its near impossible to do that with these two hanging around! Even as I type, one is busy standing on the chair behind me and trying to ursup my place and the other is trying to push him out of the chair. Oh...what do I do? What just do I do? This question has been eating my head for the past two weeks, it comes in my sleep and every waking moment. When I see them playing peacefully, I tell myself I can actually manage keeping them at home and working, but the next moment, they turn on each other and then I am sure that I need to send them to a place where they will be occupied and will not get bored of just playing with each other. And these feelings keep oscillating and time is running out. I need to join back by April 7 and if they have to go to school, then I need get them comfortable there at least two weeks before. We actully tried sending them to a day care. They were playing happily when we left. We bought diapers and bottle and returned in 15 min to find Kachi clutching onto the gate and bawling his heart out and Kautu sitting in the swing and crying. Aw..we just couldn't leave them after seeing that and Karthik and I bundled our precious goods into the car and came straight back home. I know kids do tend to cry when they join school, but I guess we are just not ready for it still!! Anyways, if anyone has a suggestion, please do tell me about it. I am truly in a big dilemma right now!!!

I just found the time

To pop in and give a small diary entry. How is it that when your hands are full, you find yourself having more time to do the things you never had time for before? When the maid was there, I valued the rest I got, the free time I got much less than now. So, anytime I am not doing anything is like a boon, so precious that I cherish it to my hearts content. And believe me, its so wonderful not having to see the maid day in and out (though she used to leave at a prompt 6 in the evening). I just love the feeling of having the house and the kids to myself. To play with them all the time, get them involved in the household chores (well, so far, Kachi has found his niche with the broom and Kautu in the kitchen, though knowing Kautu, he is more interested in finding out just what all his mother has stored away beyond his reach) and shout the worst songs loudly to them without facing a silent censure from anyone! For this reason alone, I have wished that I had lesser number of kids, just so that I can manage them all on my own, but now that I am doing so, its really a blessing that I have my three!! For, Kachi and Kautu fight, play, laugh and sleep together and Krithika, she's as of now a no problem child, taking her feeds, playing and sleeping. She's begun enjoying the play gym we had bought for the guys. Infact, you put her in it and she forgets to cry for a nappy change and hunger!! She holds very amusing conversations with the smiley facing her in the gym and kicks the musical teddy bear with her legs! We are thoroughly enjoying this little bundle of joy and god bless her with happiness life long!
Okie, the time is up and I need to get the noodles ready before the kids and their dad return from the park, plus the sweeping and mopping the house is still pending and ofcourse, dinner has yet to be ready.....ah..all with an ailing stomach (I don't know what I ate yesterday, but things in the middle have not been good since last night!)..but I am cherishing every moment of this. For, I might need to keep a maid when I start work next month, and all this privacy would be a distant memory soon.
See you all.

Taking a break..

Sent my maid off last month...and the cook. So, with the housework and kids work, Iam totally pooped!!! Till I get another maid, I am taking off from the blogworld. Sending you all my love and wishes and may you all be having a great time every minute of your day!!
Ciao and god bless,
KP

PS: Kashyap, Kaustubh and Krithika are doing fine. Only their mother is a poor overworked soul right now!

She's gonna get a name!

Tomorrow is our daughter's naming ceremony. The 28th day after she was born, according to Malayali traditions. Well, we followed everything tamil for Kachi and Kautu and this time, I wanted whatever I could have to be the Kerala style..like it was done for me.
And she's going to be named 'Kritika C Karthik' where C stands for Chakiyat, my family name. There's a small story behind Kritika too..I don't know if I have mentioned this, but after coming to see the new born baby in the hospital, for another 4 days Kautu kept singing 'Kritika'. For that time, everything in the house was Kritika, all vegetables, tv and in fact, all his toys too! My mom asked him what the baby's name was, and he repeated the same...Kritika!!! After 4 days, he hasn't repeated it till yesterday. Infact, yesterday and today, he's again been singing this name, and I have a feeling he will stop after the naming ceremony!! To add to this, another four people have inadvertently asked me what are you naming her? Kritika? !!!! Imagine our surprise! We asked them if they had heard us mention it before and they all said they had thought of this name just then.
After all these coincidences, how can we not but name her 'Kritika'? Agreed it not a very uncommon name, but it does have a poetry to it, and Kritika Karthik does sound strong and independent, like what I am hoping my daughter would grow up to be.
The preparations for the function is hardly done, lots of vegetables to buy and her black bangles and Kajal. But I went out today and got her what I wanted the most. A lovely infant dress from fabindia. What I had been eyeing the past few years. So, no matter that my back was aching and that its been just 3+ weeks since the c-section, I just had to take a rickety auto to the shop, pick out a printed floral cotton frock and a printed shirt with bloomers for the baby and completely averted my eyes from the XL kurtas that lie just across the aisle!
So, please send in your blessing for my daughter (I shall formally start calling her Kriti from tomorrow) and all your good wishes!

A sighting too rare

Kautu and I were standing by the window just a while back and looking out into the courtyard of the commodore (theres a lovely lawn there and an alsation which is a prime favorite with the kids) when I saw a huuugggeee black striped snake crawling in our garden! Well, the garden below our bedrooms belong to the house below(we stay on the first floor) and the one to the left of our house is ours. And there it was, crawling from our garden, under the wired fence to theirs, right below our bedroom window, stopping on the way to sun itself. By then I was frantically shouting for my mom(she had taken Kachi to the bathroom) who came running to see what the matter was. We showed the exited Kachi and Kautu the snake which was trying to climb onto the wall and get to the neighboring house! It could lift its body to almost half the wall .....and shattered my belief that snakes can do only the crawling bit!
It then decided that climbing walls is not its thing and found a tree nearby to be more friendly. It lifted itself again and wrapped itself over the lowest lying branch. From there, it was a piece of cake for the snake to climb over the tree and onto the adjacent wall. Till it disappeared from view, the stunned lot (me, mom, Kachi, Kautu and the maid) couldn't take our eyes of it. Inspite of our fears, we spent some time marveling at the sheer beauty of its movement and true to his style, instead of fearing for our safety, my husband, on being called up immediately to relate the incident, enquires why I didn't click a snap of the snake!!
I wanted to come close to nature and thats why we picked up this house. But I really don't think I fancy being this close and I shudder to think of even opening the windows to the right of the house all of which have trees touching (more than just touching, the branches almost enter the house) the window through which our acrobatic snake can easily make an entry!

Heres a snap of the lawns our bedroom overlooks. The garden I am talking about is in front the wall, not visible in the snap.

A diary entry..of doubts and fears

When I hear of how children are like clay and we, the parents are the hands that mould them, it fills me up with a lot of fear and misgivings. What if I have moulded them wrong? What if the way I am raising them, as against the wishes of their grandparents (who forever want the kids to be raised the way we were, the traditional Indian way of running behind them with food, letting them watch TV to their hearts content, sleeping with them both during day and night and feeding them milk as many times as they want in the night) turns out to be wrong?
Both my husband and I have wanted the kids to be independent. We love it when they eat on their own, when they take their bottle of milk and sleep without being sung lullabies for an hour. We feel great when we take them to a restaurant and they sit with us and eat without attempting to get on the table and sweep everything to the ground. But the grandparents differ. In fact, my mother feels that the emotional bonding between me and the kids will be less because I don't sleep with them in the night! What?!! Here I am, working from home, managing to spend most of their waking hours with them, when, my parents left me with my grandparents from when I was 3 months old to go to work. So, where is the justice in her statement? On reflection, I told her that because she didn't get the mornings with us, she was making up for it by having us sleep with her and dad till we were atleast 5-6 years old. Here, my kids are pretty stable and contended and I have no issues in them sleeping alone, as, when they wake up, be it morning or night, I am there right at home for them. And about running behind the kids to feed them. I have pointed out time and again that she had only one infant/toddler at a time to handle. I have two toddlers and an infant to handle simultaneously. So, the only way I can do justice to all of them is by making them independent enough to eat on their own and not waste everyone's time by taking an hours running around to feed. We use the saved up time effectively by indulging in rhymes and games. Isn't that the way to go? Justify as much as I can, it still doesn't erase the sprinkling of doubt that...could they be right? Will my children feel less attached to me and their dad because of this? I don't think so, but......

Two weeks up and here I am

....holding an infant in my arms and wondering how we are managing the boisterous twins and the infant alone!!! Yes..my mom left day before and after that its just been hubby and me. And its not been bad. True, kautu took a fall from his chair and hurt his lips and Kachi managed a small poke at the baby's eye..but other than that, its been fine, no..rocking! Baby's been giving me 3-4 hours sleep in the night and the 'vanarams' (this is how karthik and I refer the boys, means monkeys in tamil) are now sleeping on their own. No need to lie down with them and sing lullabies, we give them their bottle of milk, make them lie down on their bed, tell good night and bye and close the door. In a few minutes, the milk is done and they are asleep! This new development is the biggest relief for us. Frees up ample time to do the nightly house cleaning and taking care of the baby..who prefers the 8-10pm time to play. But more than anything else, it has made us really really proud of our two independent boys. Sniff....gone are the days when they used to cry for me...gone are the days when I had to run behind them to eat (Oh yes..forgot to mention this..they started eating on their own on the table too...we keep two plates and food that they can pick with their hands and they mostly manage to eat till their hunger is apeased!)..and gone are the days when I used to think of them as babies...they are now BOYS!!!!

That's it for now...a slight headache today has left me tired, but not so tired as to capture the latest the kids are up to...so long, goodbye. Till they make me proud again!!!

The results are out..and I have passed!!!

Yipeeee............its a girl!!!!! A 3.2Kg bundle of all that I had been waiting for! Thank you all for your wishes. Baby's doing great...least fussy of all, peacefully drinks and goes to sleep, giving me ample rest, unlike the brats she has for brothers. Kashyap so far has reacted very positively. He imitates how she drinks, howls and sucks her fingers, but Kautu!!! Thats a totally different story all together. All he wants to do is get his hands on her and wring every part he can get. Telling him 'no' makes him angry and he begins to pounce on her, so, the tactic we are trying now is to get him to touch her leg, hair, hands softly( unfortunately, soft is not a word in his dictionary!). And we do this with our hearts in our mouth. It would just take a fraction of a second for him to harm her, but we see no other way out!!!
Iam feeling better today, the stitches do pain if I sit for a while and my back has gone for a sixer. But considering the last time, we returned back from the hospital in four days when we had spent close to two months for the twins, I just had a c-section pain to suffer not an OS stitch one too...and the baby was shipped with me to the room when the last time I had to see my kids on IV and express milk for them in the NICU. And all the while I have been thanking the lord for having given me this chance to have a normal pregnancy and experience a full term baby else, my only memories of pregnancy would have been the horrifying twin one.
So again guys, thanks a lot for your wishes..it's all certainly helped for me. Shall respond to you all personally when I gear up energy. Bye!!

Its the D day tomorrow

The wait seems finally at the end. Tonight I get admitted and tomorrow morning is the C-section. It feels like I have been waiting an eternity for this moment. And to ease the tension, Karthik and I went for a gold class experience of Taare Zameen Par. Truly, I didn't know whether to gasp at the movie or the lazy boy or the service or the ambiance. Had a wonderful, out of the world experience today morningr. The movie making me wet in the eyes and the wonderful chair...automatic recliner giving a pregnant woman just a day from delivery her most relaxed time.
Anyway, this has served to take my mind off the upcoming ordeal for a while, but now its all bursting back. As I pack the bag for the hospital, I can't but help think that in 24 hours I will have the next baby in hand and would have gone through another surgery. Anyways, do keep your hands crossed for me and send up a small prayer. Shall update you all after a few days.